I, Am, Human

In the year 2012 we as humans are able to discuss homosexuality, religious views, music and fashion preferences but yet when someone digs in their nose in public its an eyebrow raiser??? How does that make sense??? People make it seem as if that's a very taboo thing to do. Really??? Digging in your nose in public is such a taboo thing but yet you are willing to have sex in public in a park?! Come on now guys who are we fooling here?? We all know we ALL do it. I'll be the 1st to admit it I guess. I Jeremy Ingram am a nose digger. I damn near dig for gold when I do. I don't know about you but having a booger in your nose is embarrassing so I try to dig every last one of them suckas out of my nose. And I'll even take it to another level. After I dig those boogers out I stop and look at them. Ewww you say? So I guess when you wipe your ass you don't look to see if all the brown is gone and you just walk around not knowing if you have a booty chucked full of shit. (I'll touch back on this subject later). Why would I not want to look at my boogers?? I want to make sure out of human curiosity how big that mamma jamma was that was living in my nose. Ohhh and it doesn't stop there. Once done looking at my boogers I flick em! And if that bad boy doesn't want to come off with a simple flick I start to fling the shit out of my hand as if I was playing with a yo-yo. Now I know I'm not the only one who does this ritual just like I know I'm not the only one who makes sure there is no brown when wiping after taking that deuce. I know damn sure I'm not the only person in this world who after taking a dump looks at what they created in the toilet and then get a whiff of it when the air catches the funkness and then question what they ate today.

Oh so you're still in denial about admitting that you do those things. Well let me try to appeal more to you by me admitting what I do so you wont feel alone. When I'm by myself I fart and then actually say out loud to myself "woooooooooooo what the fuck did I have today for my booty hole to stink like that???" Oh you don't do that either huh? Well then I guess you also "don't" scratch between your asshole cuz I know I do. Hey lets not front here and say that everything on your body can be itchy but your booty. Now I'm not saying it itches all the time cuz lord knows that means you aren't wiping good enough but I'm saying it does every now and then and when it does I scratch it. Now when I'm in public I just cant just dig between my ass and scratch it so I "try" to be slick and sit down and move my butt cheeks back and forth. Kinda like a dog if you want a visual but come to think of it no that's not a good visual. I don't want you thinking that I'm just at home sliding my ass back and forth on my carpet at home.  Anyways back to you still not admitting that you do inappropriate things. So now let me ask you this. Do you not watch porn either? There is nothing wrong with it if you do but yet people are embarrassed to admit to it. Give these sites a try they are 2 of my favs. 1. Porn Hub and 2. Assparade.com. (I'll be expecting a check in the mail from one of those sites soon by the way) So I know for sure if you wont admit to watching porn then you sure in the hell wont admit that you masturbate. Shitttttt I do. Its safe sex homie! I'm pretty sure I wont have to buy any diapers for my right hand any time soon and I know I wont catch anything from it either. Now I'm not saying that everyone is like me and does everything that I just listed but I'm pretty damn sure that you have to do at least one or two of the things I list but as mentioned before you don't want to admit it because its an eyebrow raiser.There is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you do any one of these things. You wanna know why??? Because you are human and thats what we do. Human things. A person is smart, people are dumb.