For some odd reason I've been on this pizza hype lately and today I was in the mood for Pizza Hut's cheesy crust just like a normal fat ass would be at the butt crack of dawn this morning. But as I stated earlier that this was during the early morning so I did not know the correct time this Ronald Regan endorsed pizza establishment would be open. So like any Internet savvy person who can search up porn like no ones business I searched to see what time Pizza Hut would be open. I then came across two Pizza Hut's out in Oakland. One restaurant was half Pizza Hut half KFC. Who would of ever thought those two could get along so well. You would think it would be the restaurant version of Bloods and Crips yo! Now while looking up the time of opening of Pizza Hut I then discover my new guilty pleasure for reading horrible scored Yelp reviews on restaurants and lets not kid ourselves here, no one would ever think a Pizza Hut that's also a KFC would be a 5 star restaurant...It was a 1 and half! My favorite score Yelp to read!!!!!But before I get into this review let me share this little side story for you all. I notice the score is 1 and a half at both Pizza Hut's and I didn't want to take my chances at the hybrid Kentucky Pizza Fried establishment, I decided to go with the other one and I did not and I repeat DID NOT want to spend my hard earned money on just a 1 and a half pizza place (Yea I'm a diva like that.) I decided to see if my brother would buy it and of course it came at a cost. He said he would do it if I took a picture with a huge bowl over my head while doing jazz hands. For a split second I wanted to spit in his face but the cheesiness was calling me mane! So I did it and of course the guy took the picture. God my brother is a jerk. Enough of me being digress, back to the review. While reading the review of the Pizza Hut/KFC I found a hilarious one but I couldn't stop right there. I read another, and another! I found out that I LOVE reading horrible Yelp reviews. 2 that I found out stuck out like chicks with cakes in those leggings. My dear apologizes to the chicks with anti cakes in those leggings by the way. I will now share with you all the top 2 that I found and will also share my comments regarding the reviews. Enjoy!
This review is from Carol C in Alameda, Ca regarding the Pizza Hut/KFC I spoke of earlier. "Even though the employees were friendly and helpful, the pieces of chicken were scrawny looking and small compared to what I got earlier this afternoon. They were also hard and dry and sort of chewy...not good". (sigh) Of course the elephant in the room is that Ms. Carol C went to KFC two times in one day! Now lets look at the time frame. By the looks of it I'm gonna take an uneducated guess and say that when she had the "scrawny looking" pieces of chicken that it was dinner time due to the fact that she mentioned that she visited this place in the afternoon. Now lets do the math. Normally fast food restaurants in Oakland tend to shut down shops around 10pm. As she mentioned she went in the afternoon, lets just say is noonish. Hopefully I did my math right that leaves a 10hr window. But oh no, when it comes to consuming fried chicken from KFC that happens to be roommates with a pizza joint, that simply is not enough time to be heading back to the same day. What I am getting at is, Carol C from Alameda, Ca, I think someone should Yelp your food life decisions because I doubt this isn't your first time dropping the ball on picking places to consume horrible food. You are like the cookie monster of bad foods B. I wish you and your stomach the best.
Now this reviewer is right from my backyard of Oakland. His name is Victor G. Mr. Victor G took the time out of his day and reviewed the self proclaimed and "classy" burger joint, Burger King and gave them 1 star."After getting my change from a $20, i showed the cashier he was $5 short. he didn't say anything. he got the key from the manager, open the till, gave me a 5 and still said nothing.the fried onions (1.29)were small, tasteless, nuggets(1) bland. only the seattle's best coffee(1) medium roast was satisfying. No apologizes = 1 star. If apologized would give 2 stars." Damn it Victor G! You are from Oakland bro! You better act like you aint trippin when someone gives you cash with no questions asked! And what in the FUCK is wrong with your taste buds and body insides for you to be ordering fried onions, nuggets, and muthafuckin coffee together! Trust me when I say this and I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Bitch, your toilet hates you and your butt hole. You disgust me!
My prior guilty pleasure was watching old reruns of Dateline: To Catch a Predator but now that has been replaced with horrible Yelp reviews. Now normally as most you know I tend to leave with a smart remake but I would like to say that if Yelp ever reads this blog please hire my brother Darius Ingram to work within your company. Let me stop fooling myself and search for reviews on McDonald's Fish Mcbites. A person is smart, people are dumb.
P.S. this blog was dedicated to my sister from another mister, Kimberly Christophersen.
